Floating through Depression 

I found the sea, the water the great teacher or did she find me?

It was raining when my depressed self first walk through the doors of self discovery,

It was dark when I first woke to ride down to the sea for my first wild swim, not sure if I should or could!

I knew I was lost, I felt defeated, I felt that sickening feeling of hopelessness,

I wanted it to end and yet I saw know way out,

At that moment my darkness was greater than my light,

A final throw of the dice or at least that’s how it felt would change all this and that was roughly three years ago,

I would wak and wonder down to the sea and embrace her like a lost child who had found their parents,

I would laugh and cry, scream and shout and I would shake and tremble,

I would be given insight into my nature, into my emotional self I would travel,

I was weak, but the sea was slowly giving me strength,

My rock of a family encouraged this journey despite my moods still changeable, but progress could still be seen and more importantly felt,

The gap between my darkness and light began to get closer until they were equal, at this point I had discovered more about my nature than I had conceived possible,

I know I had to swim in the darkness of my being in order to find myself floating in the lightness of my soul,

As I floated out of my depression, I say floated for I learnt very quickly this cannot be forced or rushed it must be taken a wave at a time I began to see and experience life in a much lighter way, I saw the humour rather than the frustration at life’s contradictions, I grew compassionate and developed a great sense of gratitude, 

The journey continues, its destination unknown and I am now ok with that.

To you all with a wish for a bright and happy life that knows the surf of a dark wave.

Matt

Advertisements

Grey days at sea lead to happiness within.

On days like these when the weather does not invite happiness, but rather asks one to seek for it within are some of the most challenging days.I awoke feeling the heaviness of the grey clouds, that feeling of sluggishly dragging one self from the bed and into clothes takes a strength I often feel is missing and yet know it is there,

The walk to the sea, so often greeted by the beautiful colours of a rising sun, always sure to raise ones spirit, however today was a grey morning.

I stood on the jetty as it outstretched into the sea, looking for the sun, but only seeing grey looming clouds with that wet damp feel to the air,

I moved through my qi gong practice and breath to awaken the heavy body I had begrudgingly dragged down to the sea, little sparks of life begun to shimmer within,

I looked at the sea, grey and gloomy, I was talking myself out of going in for a swim and yet a deep yearning to embrace the spirit of the sea rather than the aesthetic beauty of the often present vistas overcame my doubt,

I stripped down still doubting my decision, however I was now committed,

I waded into the grey gloomy abyss, hello stranger she said, I am no stranger I am here often I replied, but you are not you in this moment, where is your play, where is your heart and warmth she asked? I dived deep and touched the sand,

I returned back to the surface with lightness, happiness and joy restored, welcome back she said it’s good to see you again.

I left the sea feeling a million dollars better than before I had gone in, I have had this same experience many times over the past couple of years and I know that the cycle will continue and that like the sea has taught me, happiness is so often a choice.

Have a great sea day today everyone.