I have discovered it is on the days you least want to bow that if you bow you receive your greatest insights; it is almost like my ego mind is purposefully putting up its final defences to stop me from diving deeper into who I am – my true self! My true self I have discovered is hard to describe using words, but here goes; at one point your mind is distracted you can feel tension in your brows, head and shoulders every pain that can surface does, to avoid this discomfort you try changing something either a thought or a technique or something then without thinking you drop into the experience you are having every movement becomes precious, effortless and enjoyable, the trouble is that your ego mind quickly pulls you out of this meditative state (true self) and back into pain and discomfort, however, the more I practice the greater the portion of my practice is spent in meditation and the less reactive or longer time I spend in ego mind.
Due to having such an analytical mind it still baffles me how this practice heals, strengthens and frees your mind, body and soul. I never look forward to bowing because my mind always tries to talk me out of it, but I have experienced so many transformations that despite my resistance I take to the mat every day; sometimes the resistance to bow is less or more and interestingly the last week my resistance has been increasing, but the experience of energy, meditation and vitality has been increasing and so I keep going, I have less idea what I will or am discovering I can feel shifts and changes that again I cannot truly describe as for most of my life I have rejected these energies and feelings, but as I lower my defences they are surfacing and all I can do is surrender – for what and to become what? I have no idea all I do know is that its the journey that counts, its the taking part, its the creating your own path, its the finding your answers even if you can’t recall the questions.
Change is on the cards and as we all know it always was and is.