Bowing Meditation (day 70)

Day 70 has come in many respects quite quickly! The last week of bowing has been interesting as I began the week in a relatively light mood and found my practices energising and straight forward; then as inevitably as everything does it changed! I received notice that I was successful in getting through to an interview for a job I had applied for and that was it excitement and fear rose quickly and presented themselves in my practices over the week.
Before job news my mind was beginning to relax into the practice, but with change my monkey mind became trigger happy looking at all the possibilities – positive and negative. For me I found that when the interview was further away my mood remained up beat and the body remained light through the practice, however come Thursday the day before interview day the nerves had surfaced and my body felt as though I had gained a couple of pounds, which gave me an insight that when I am positive I literally feel lighter and when I am negative I feel ‘weighed down’ it was interesting to observe these two polarities in a short space of time.
Interview day came and went and I feel as though it went well although I do not find out just yet if I have been successful and this has led me to my next observation of me! I am not a fan of waiting, I become a yo yo – up and down, up and down and I observed this in my practice this evening. I was angry and sad starting the practice then I got into my stride and laughed at being angry and I noticed with the anger came knee pain, but as I laughed and moved the pain left me, then I noticed I had slowed down so I picked up my pace; at this point I observed that my anger, irritation and frustration increased as I picked up my pace, but not because of the pace my body was going but because of the pace my mind and all I can say is I dropped my mind into my body kept the pace and was peaceful again, however then I noticed I had 100 or so bows to go and became irritated and the cycle played out again.
What I essentially observed was I have an erratic pace I live my life by where my mind is 10 paces ahead of me and then gets tired at the point my body catches my mind up, but then I push a bit more until both say enough and stop.
The experience of dropping the mind into the body and changing my energy from irritated and angry energy to peaceful and calm energy was great and I intend to focus on that practice.

To you all in great health.

Matt

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